So I left my 13 year marriage because it was not working. We were sleeping in separate rooms and I had become very dependent on my very wonderful loving boyfriend ‘the rabbit’.
The divorce was respectful. We used a mediator and other them the spinner he started dating and moved into our home that I half owned a month after I moved out everything was generally amicable.
I was in no condition to date so I told a friend of mine I just wanted to get laid. Considering my husband and I hadn’t slept together in over five years. She connected me with a friend of hers that she thought would do the job. He called & invited me over he cooked me dinner and of course rocked my world afterwards. It was nice to be ravaged and to not have the pretenses and all the bullshit as when you’re young. I was very honest with him saying I want nothing I have nothing to offer this is all I want. As luck would have it I became this man’s drug of choice. Little did I know that he of course had just gotten out of the Betty Ford and he fought harder to keep me then my ex-husband had. It was flattering yet I had nothing to give.
I tell this story not to make light of his feelings or to be insensitive but to recognize I was in no position to be out there taking care of my selfish needs. As I look back and think about that poor man and how he had no idea what he was getting into.
I realize we all just want connection and love but sometimes when we enter into something and we haven’t finished healing from our past traumas or last relationships. What we discover at the detriment of others is we’re are not capable of anything, perhaps It’s better to do our healing alone.
I have learned each time what I want and don’t want in a relationship. I also have learned so much about myself.
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